When You Stop Following The Crowd

A big focus for me in my work is to help others reclaim their own sense of agency. Seth Godin recently published a short blog on how easy it is for us to give up our agency. As he pointed out, we work hard to have freedom of choice in our lives, then end up going along when our group – at work or socially, some cultural force in our lives – tells us to do something.

This is well studied. We all know it and all do it.  Me included. Sometimes it’s because what the group is doing isn’t a big deal. Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to hurt a friend or we’re afraid of being judged or rejected.

In my own life, when I consciously began to stick with my own decisions and not give into someone else’s, I’d feel guilty because it went against everything I’d been taught and was, in fact ,made to do as a child. With practice, that changed.

The thing I noticed above anything else after I stopped giving away my agency was this: my body began to relax.

A few days ago, I listened to a hospice nurse talk about how being with people at the end of their lives taught her to honour what she values. She experienced what a few of us experience if we narrowly escape death – learning to value every moment of our lives, doing and being what we value above anything else.

If you knew you were going to die soon, would you do something that was against your values, or do something important to you?

Quote of the Week

I for one have ceased to cling to life and to things; I have the feeling that everything is accidental, that one must break one's inner bonds with people and stand aside for all else.
― Etty Hiiiesum

A practical guide for taking control of your life

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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co . 

If you’re interested in the topic of avoiding burnout for people who do too much, you may be interested in checking out my youtube channel.