The Problem of ‘Just Talking’ About Others

The destructive nature of gossip came up once more last week in my close circle, so I thought it would be a good thing to talk about because I’m pretty sure it’s an issue belonging to most social circles.

Yes, I’ve heard ad infinitum how we are all social animals and that gossip isn’t necessarily bad. But think for a minute – what you are gossiping about is someone else’s to say. It isn’t about something you read or heard on the news, but something not given for public consumption about someone else.

Gossip is always about something privately obtained that belongs to someone else, or an outright assumption we make about someone else’s behaviour. The person receiving this information hears it from their own inner subjective lens and translates it accordingly. That means that whatever is said to another person is already skewed.

You can imagine gossip becoming increasingly distorted every time it’s shared, like the whispering game most of us played in grade school.

There are other destructive aspects of gossip, but I wanted to talk only about the subjective filtering that must happen.

I’ve thought about this a lot, because I’ve encountered it a lot – probably like everyone else -- and in this time of fractioning society, I would like to propose as near a moratorium on gossip as possible. Because when we engage in gossip, we end up forming judgments and opinions of others based on stories and not on anything else.

Here’s what I’ve been practicing that may be of interest to you: I stop the process, either by kindly saying I’m uninterested, or if that doesn’t work, by changing the subject. One other thing if I really need to say something: I have a close friend I can trust and that I have an agreement with. The agreement is that we are allowed to vent – gossip – to one another for a set amount of time. After the time is up, we let it go and move on.

I’d love to know what your strategies are.

Quote of the Week

Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.
― Socrates

5 steps to remove yourself from drama at work

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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co . 

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