I’m writing today about perfectionism. Happily, this is one imperfection I don’t possess, at least not about everything. And – again happily – the older I get, the less it’s an issue.
Having said that, I am very capable of spending hours and days making a document look exactly the way I want it to look. In fact, the more I tweak it, the more I obsess about it. I have many friends and acquaintances who are driven by perfectionism. This gives me the advantage of observing how damaging perfectionism can be.
I’ll begin with me: when I find myself stressing over perfecting a document, it is often about compensating in how the document looks what I believe is missing in content. Not always – I have a thing about symmetry. But often.
When I ask my perfectionist friends what drives them, it is – again often – about some insecurity. The drivenness to achieve perfection is really a way to help themselves feel less insecure. Just like me.
I remember years ago having a discussion with a poet friend of mine, who – like so many artists – had a hard time letting go of attempting to make his poetry better. He’d given me a poem of his that I felt was powerful, then later published an updated version of it that was less powerful. I never asked him why the change, but did know he has a tough time letting a work of his go.
I still have both the original and later version. I cherish them both, because my friend passed away.The more I write, the better my writing gets. The same is true of us all. It’s experience and practice that makes us good at our craft, and no amount of tweaking will substitute for experience and practice.
Insecurity is an insidious thing – it eats away at our insides and does nothing to improve our lives. But sticking to what you do will eventually lead to a product that is truly good.
Quote of the Week
And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.
- John Steinbeck
Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .