The Growth We Miss When We Avoid Conflict
Lots of people in my world are conflict-averse. That includes friends, colleagues and clients. And myself … often.
People dedicated to avoiding conflict will go to immense lengths to sidestep any possible conflict that looks like it might happen. They might verbally agree with someone even if they don’t agree on anything that person said. They might develop really clever ways of switching topics, or actively steer clear of someone they find controversial. They might even join groups of other conflict-avoidants in denouncing that seeming difficult person.
You might know a few people like that. When I look around me at people who are liberals or conservatives, I definitely see it. Recently, for instance, a neighbour who is left-leaning was genuinely surprised that any right-leaning person would show up at a protest about a topic that concerned everyone in the community.
The odd thing is that conflict is exactly what is needed for growth. It is uncomfortable working through an issue with someone we don’t agree with. But if we dismiss it or that person, we have lost a chance of expanding our viewpoint.
The other thing that can keep us from trying to resolve a conflict is hurt feelings. In a heated moment, people accuse each other of being wrong or deficient, even dragging others into the disagreement. When that happens, the possibility of ever coming to resolution has really gone downhill.
Leaning into conflict is something that can be incredibly satisfying if you know how to do it with grace and an open mind. It requires connection with the other, a belief that we are all worthy of being heard, and a willingness to explore what is possible.
Quote of the Week
An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.
- Mahatma Gandhi
The gift of conflict
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .
If you’re interested in the topic of avoiding burnout for people who do too much, you may be interested in checking out my youtube channel.