Why Some Decisions Feel So Hard (Even When They Shouldn’t)

It used to be, for me, really difficult to decide who not to invite to something I was hosting. I’d want to include everyone, even if it wasn’t very feasible. That went for Christmas gifting, and anything that meant the possibility of leaving someone I knew out.

I’d feel guilty, as if I’d done something morally wrong, even if I hadn’t seen the person for years and they hadn’t been in touch with me. I’d go back and forth trying to get clear on what to do. I’d wake up in the middle of the night having dreamt of some catastrophe caused by my decision.

It seems ridiculous, and is no longer an issue in my own life (thank the powers that be for that), but it is an issue for others I know.

Here are a few others that often came up in my life: which job I should go after, which offer I should take, whether I should move from a place I loved for financial reasons.

Some of these choices are big, others not as big. Both took a lot of my time and energy.

What I eventually discovered was that the underlying reason, at least for me, that I had such a hard time was because I had a conflict between a rule or norm that I believed in and a value I held dear. I had to resolve that for myself before any of these hard decisions got truly resolved.

In other words, the decisions were hard for me because of my personal values, not for any other reason. Once I got clear on what was truly of value to me, those decisions got a lot easier.

Of course, my process of getting clear took a long while. I don’t want to make the process seem easy. It wasn’t. But at least now I sleep better.

Quote of the Week

Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful... .

― José N. Harris

How to make hard choices

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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co . 

If you’re interested in the topic of avoiding burnout for people who do too much, you may be interested in checking out my youtube channel.