When Hard Work Turns Harmful: A Story Of Change
I spent time with an old friend a few weekends ago, who was convalescing after a long illness that was caused largely from overwork. My friend was known for her relentlessly hard work, never stopping when she got tired, pushing through any physical barrier to finish what she’d committed to on time.
People admired her for her energy and commitment and rewarded for it. Her bosses saw her as valuable and promoted her for working so hard all the time. She was pointed to as a power of example.
I also admired her and would often think of her when I found myself doing the same thing as she did.
Then she fell ill: serious heart issues. She was told that her lifestyle had to change. She followed her physician’s restrictions for a few months – walking half an hour a day when she felt strong enough, eating with care, going to bed early, meditating. Then she began to feel better, and gradually increased her activity until it was the same as always. When she got really busy, the first things to go were meditation and exercising, then her diet.
A few years later, predictably, she fell ill again, and this time her physical symptoms were worse. Again, she followed her physician’s advice. This time, it took a little longer, but gradually she got her energy back and recovered physically, and eventually returned to the same lifestyle she’d always followed, ignoring her physical needs and staying busy.
Predictably, her lifestyle caught up with her a third time. This time, when she followed the healing regimen, it didn’t work as well to restore her to her former self. That scared her to the point where she became willing to consider that her approach to life was in need of review.
That’s where I came in: she asked if we could discuss it. she asked me because I was very familiar with her way of living: I’d done it myself for many years, which cost me physically eventually. And just as she was doing this third time, I finally paused to see how I could live differently.
This is what I discovered in my own journey:
1. Doing so much every day feels good! So why change that? Besides I get rewarded for living that way. The question I had to ask myself was whether there were better, more efficient ways to get what I wanted to do done so that I could take that extra time for walks and meditation, and simply being with friends and loved ones.
2. I discovered that working inefficiently helped me fill a void – it was easier for me to ignore something that bothered or hurt me if I worked. Overworking in other words, at least in part, was because I was coping and not necessarily doing anything valuable. I learned to question when I overworked by asking, “is what I’m doing worth it?” If it wasn’t, it was easier to stop and take a look at what might really be happening.
3. In doing so, I began to appreciate the power of compassion and forgiveness: nobody is perfect. We all learn through experience, and experiencing the consequences of overworking taught me about the value of self-care in a way that was thorough. I learned not to be so hard on myself and truly appreciate that my journey in life was uniquely mine.
Quote of the Week
Leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves. We tend to overwork as a means of self-escape, as a way of trying to justify our existence.
― Joseph Peiper
Workplace mental health – all you need to know (for now)
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .