Every Emotion Deserves Attention—Not Every Story Does

Emotions are never worth ignoring.

I’ll clarify. For some of us, there are 2 classes of emotions – those we automatically feel, and those we manufacture and intensify with the stories we tell ourselves. I’m very familiar with both.

The second class is definitely entertaining and can prolong feelings for a very long time, but they aren’t real beyond the story, and can be harmful.

For example, as a teenager, I witnessed a boy getting brutally and publicly rejected by his former girlfriend. After seeing this, I had to decide whether to feel bad for the girl or for the boy – I knew I felt bad, but for who?  Either way, since I didn’t know any of the facts – and didn’t intend to discover them – that meant making up a story that would bring on sympathy and rage that might last for the rest of the day. I’ve done this often. The one thing that didn’t occur to me at that time was to decide if I had any business finding out what happened and otherwise let it go.

You may congratulate yourself in believing you have never done this, or have never done this recently. Than might be accurate … or maybe not. Think about those in your community you have a negative story about. Have you developed a story about them and their circumstances that let you feel strongly one way or another? And does that come with judgments about them or others that allow you to dismiss or reject them?

That brings me to how the story-making can be harmful. For me, it’s a way of projecting onto others what I feel or know or suspect about myself. Maybe not exactly, but similarly. How I would have gone with that teenage event would very likely depend on my own circumstances and any dissatisfaction I had with them.

What I’ve discovered is when I begin to make up a story about something I’ve seen or heard, the best thing I can do is silence it – by reading, walking, getting busy in some way. I’ve got no investment in it and don’t want one. It also means that when I find myself feeling strongly about something spontaneously, it’s real. It tells me that this event is important to me and to pay attention. If, on the other hand, I feel a strong urge to generate a story, that tells me that I have some unacknowledged feelings and judgments about myself that need clearing.

Either way, emotions are never worth ignoring.

Quote of the Week

“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
― Oscar Wilde

You aren’t at the mercy of your emotions – your brain creates them

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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co . 

If you’re interested in the topic of avoiding burnout for people who do too much, you may be interested in checking out my youtube channel.