The Help We Love and the Help That Changes Us

This holiday season, most of us need a helping hand – neighbourly help, family support, help around the home, even an unexpected moment of kindness. I’m a therapist, and offer help to others by facilitating mental and emotional growth and happiness.

I also gratefully receive help from others - in so many ways I lose count.  But the most important kinds of help I receive are 2: one immediately appreciated and one appreciated only many days or years later.

I was feeling frustrated and a little down last week. My husband cheered me up in ways he knows work – good food and loving company. It was exactly what I needed, and helped me so much in that moment of depression. That’s the kind of help I love and cherish right away.

The other kind often feels like no help at all at the time. In fact, it feels like the kind of thing I wish never happened – like a challenge that’s more than I can or ever want to handle, even if I asked for it by accepting a position or a challenge.

I was challenged by a neighbour a number of years ago – he had wanted something that was in my yard. When I said no, he took it anyway.  That meant a confrontation, something I don’t handle very well and never want to handle. And yet, confrontation happens. To live well and happily, I need to learn to confront in a way that works.

I now see that seemingly ‘unfortunate’ event as a teaching moment. I did confront – probably not well but well enough – and the issue between myself and my neighbour was resolved.

I learned something valuable from that tough lesson, and am grateful to that teacher for his lesson.

This blog is a remake of one I wrote at the end of 2022. It felt right to say again at the end of 2025.

Quote of the Week

Love people who hate you. Pray for people who have wronged you. It won’t just change their life…it’ll change yours.

― Mandy Hale

12 truths I learned from life and writing - Anne Lamott

Announcements

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co . 

If you’re interested in the topic of avoiding burnout for people who do too much, you may be interested in checking out my youtube channel.