Changing My Attitude Changed Everything

All of us encounter times when we are torn between two actions.

Here’s a fairly common one for me:

I had a real problem: my husband was scheduled for a reverse shoulder replacement 4 days before I scheduled practicing for a major text. The person who agreed to practice with me could only do it that day.

I was very aware that my husband was only agreeing to get this procedure done because he felt he has no real choice; he wasn’t going forward with it because he wanted it or believed it will solve a lot of problems. It’s simply less undesirable than the alternative. He wasn’t feeling great about it. He wouldn’t be unable to really fend for himself while I’d be gone.

I felt guilty. I felt that if I were moral and ethical, I’d have abandoned my test prep in favour of being with him.

On the other hand, the test I was preparing for was the second part of a grueling process that had taken all my waking hours when I wasn’t seeing clients for a total of 4 months. It was important to me. Very important. If I missed the opportunity to practice, it could have seriously hurt my chances of passing. I wanted to practice. I felt I’d let myself down if I didn’t practice. I asked my husband if he’d be OK for 7 hours and he said he would. I offered to have him come with me and he declined.

It was a problem for me: if I’d stayed with my husband I’d hurt my chance of passing; if I went to the practice I’d feel disloyal to my husband and our marriage.

What would you do? There is a way through, and the answer lies in how we approach it. In my case, I had to revisit my guilt - the feelings of guilt. In fact, my husband is a grown-up and would have been fine for those 7 hours I was gone. What wasn’t fine was my self-judgment. On the other hand, it was true that without practice, it’s very likely I would have failed the test.

When I altered my attitude, my approach to the problem changed.

Quote of the Week

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”

― Albert Einstein

Getting stuck in negatives (and how to get unstuck)

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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programs, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co . 

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